I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
