Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
