You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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