oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
