I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
