i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
