dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
