Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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