I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize