Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
