she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
