Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
