She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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