quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
