I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
