im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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