ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
