i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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