Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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