Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
