"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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