and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
