i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize