Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
