Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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