i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
