So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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