I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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