Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
