You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
there is glitter all over my balls
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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