who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just cropdusted the office
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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