I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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