i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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