Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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