Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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