i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
