Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
