Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
