there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
