I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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