He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
