I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
