he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
