i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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