Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
