Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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