I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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