Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize