Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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