Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
