I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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