Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
