Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
