His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
