Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
