OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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