Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
