I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dignity is for republicans.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
