so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
