I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
