youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
