I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
