Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
