I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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