just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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