Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need a sexual gate keeper
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
