There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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