i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
