he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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