Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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