Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
