Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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